Hello, I'm Jazel. I'm on most social media platforms as @JazelTWY. I have had this space since 2008, and I see it as a outlet for my thoughts, when short status updates or instagram captions won't cut it. It's a public private space, of sorts. Comments?



Feeling really upset with myself. Sigh.
Not really a great way to start December ah, bringing my unhappiness from November over to December.
I feel like I should just apologize to the world for everything I had done, or even for simply existing.

Can't sleep. Too many thoughts in my head haunting me.
Thoughts just jumps so quickly from one stupid thing I did to another, leaving me in the heap to then slowly harp over them and become even more upset and annoyed at the stupid being I am.

'Why this I do this, why did I do that?'
The questions that appear pretty much often in my head.
It's always too late for regrets and then the only thing I could do left is to apologize, that is if I have a chance to.
If I don't, I would just have to live with those regrets forever.

There are so many..
I would try to sleep now then.
I will.. Sigh.

Scary thoughts.
I need a distraction that is strong enough to pull me away from all of this.
I'm so sorry.
This has become to the extent of me not even knowing what I'm apologizing for.
There are so many things..
I'm scared of the person people perceive me as because I don't like that person.
I'm scared I would spend my whole life only annoying and disappointing people.

2 AM.
Tick tock, 2 hours of december had passed.
This shows that nothing ever last.
It will eventually all turn to dust.
Or shattered on the ground like broken glass.

Time passes by like a blink of an eye,
There's no time for you to sit there and cry.
You can go out and at least try,
Or just sit here and wait to die.

You would think that your relationships will stand strong,
You will withstand through every storm.
But you don't know how much you're wrong,
Nothing ever lasts for long.

You had tried and tried,
But there's still no future in sight.
You can't even see any light.
Everything is as dead as the night.

You can hope and you can wish.
That maybe this time it will not be the same.
But eventually everything will cease to exist.
And you will finally realize that you will never be the winner of this game.

You look at the darkened winter snow.
And hear the 2 bells of the grandfather clock go.
You will notice that you lost that spark you had years ago,
And soon you will lose your soul.

You wonder why did it turn out like this,
You were once living in bliss.
Where did your happiness go,
Causing you to lost your glow.

You close your eyes and think.
Of how happy everyone is,
And how out of place you seem.
After all, this happy world was never yours to live in.


Look at where I screwed up. May 2008June 2008July 2008August 2008September 2008October 2008November 2008December 2008January 2009February 2009March 2009April 2009May 2009June 2009July 2009August 2009September 2009October 2009November 2009December 2009January 2010February 2010March 2010April 2010May 2010July 2010August 2010September 2010October 2010November 2010December 2010January 2011March 2011April 2011June 2011July 2011August 2011October 2011November 2011December 2011January 2012February 2012April 2012May 2012June 2012July 2012August 2012September 2012October 2012November 2012December 2012January 2013February 2013March 2013April 2013May 2013June 2013July 2013August 2013September 2013October 2013November 2013December 2013January 2014February 2014March 2014April 2014May 2014June 2014July 2014August 2014September 2014October 2014November 2014January 2015February 2015April 2015May 2015June 2015July 2015August 2015September 2015October 2015November 2015December 2015January 2016February 2016April 2016May 2016July 2016August 2016November 2016March 2017April 2017September 2017October 2017November 2017December 2017May 2018November 2018December 2018April 2019June 2019March 2020July 2020November 2020January 2021June 2024 Layout by ▲ ADITHI.